5 Years Old!

Happy birthday, son! The Coolest! This is a big one. Back from Canada and starting kindergarten at a new school! I'm so proud of how well you always adapt to new environments. It's like you grew a year in one summer! Your quick smile and crazy cackle (HA HA ha ha!) has brought joy to everyone around you this year, especially Grandma and Grandpa. And now look: you're good at soccer, riding airplanes, swimming, hockey, rock-climbing, Bookworm and Bakugan, too!

I hope that mommy and daddy can make this a better year for you than last year. I hope that we can do many more things together as a family and that you sleep easier in this your fifth year on earth. No more monsters, no more waking and searching for daddy, no more peeing the bed. I hope mommy and daddy can help you put those childhood ordeals behind you...

And now that you're five, I hope you will begin to understand yourself even better than before. I hope you will consider the things you like, but also the things you don't and sometimes pause to reconsider. (I will always be there to answer your questions or to listen to whatever you have to say about these things.) I hope you meet awesome new friends that you can talk with, too, and that together you tackle mountains and jungle gyms, walk down alleys and roll down grassy hills getting to know the world with your five-year old flesh and bones. And also, I hope you continue to explore new activities and expressions of yourself so you never feel boxed in or limited by how other people see you, even mommy and daddy. I hope you keep trying things, even if you're not good at them at first, like swimming and Bakugan. May your fifth year under this sun be one of bold adventure!

You amaze me every day, son. I often forget to tell you so. It's when you're asleep or distant though that the realization usually hits me. Here he is: my selfless aspiration, my best intent borne true, my moral ground. I love you, Eric. Happy Birthday!

Look! We Have Come Through!

Almost a year between posts! Eric turns 5 this month!

We are vacationing back in Canada, at my parents' home in Maple Ridge--a 2-story affair bordering forest growth on two sides, with a big yard and a small vegetable garden. Just Eric and me in the downstairs westward-facing room. Arrived a little over two weeks ago and just now starting to see some signs of missing Mommy.

I'm surprised at how smoothly the time out here has passed. Even the 16-hour flight was more or less a breeze, except for the lingering jetlag.

We took it easy getting oriented in the environment again. Only one event a day the first week. Went shopping first, bought food he liked (Quaker Dino-Eggs Oatmeal, PEZ, hot dogs and Choco Pies); went to the bookstore one day, bought some books; bought some new toys (a kite, Bakugan, a great board game); went to the park a couple times and played in the yard every day.

"I want to live here forever," he said on the third day. That was the day we saw a deer wander up to the fence at the side of the house and Eric left cheezies on the grass, hoping for its return.

Last week, he started Day Camp at the recreation center from 1:00 to 3:30 on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. We took the bus and the Skytrain to Granville Island on Tuesday, had lunch, visited a magic store and spent the day at the water park. He didn't want to leave. Visited my uncle's place Saturday where he played all through dinner with his "aunt" and "uncle" (my cousins) and the family dog, dashing inside only long enough for me to spoon feed him another mouthful before dashing out again. He didn't want to leave. It's funny how forever and now become jumbled together in the mind of a 4-year old.

This week he starts swimming lessons.

Without trying to take too much credit, the time has been well spent. It's not to say there haven't been rough spots, tantrums and drama (more later), but Eric's been able to get on a regular cycle, eat proper meals, have the run of the house, play outside every day in a big yard with a garden and still see Mommy every so often via Skype.

Here, in this humble rural setting, rising and sleeping to the cycle of the sun's rise and fall, there's less chaos, less distraction. One event a day is enough to sustain his attention and to provide the ageless satisfaction of accomplishment. There's time here, too, for reflection. Little talks in transit or in transition before falling asleep. The food, the toys, the trips to little sideshow destinations he hardly seems concerned with. To my mind, it's the rhythm and the pace of life here that has him fascinated, bewildered and maybe a little frightened, too.

God bless Grandma and Grandpa for eating regular meals and living lives of quiet domestic routine--a simple bourgeois grace that Eric's mom and I cannot afford. But I wonder if my son is worried that he'll have to permanently adapt to this life of seated meals and daily excursions. With the prospect of 3 more weeks of solemn leisure, could he be getting bored? Could his agitated, almost 5-year old will possibly be longing for the traffic and the towers and the businesses of Seoul, while living in B.C.'s verdant low-lying farmland, bordered by one of the most majestic mountain ranges in the world? I imagine it can be a frightening thing to behold such vastness and such quietude...

Three weeks is long, but I want these things to deeply resonate in my son for years and years and miles and miles. Until he has his own peace of mind, bordered on two sides by forest growth, with a big yard and a small vegetable garden.